Graffiti by Numbers
Directed by Eli Roth
Starring Cate Blanchett, Kevin Hart, Jamie Lee Curtis
Released August 9th, 2024
Rated PG-13
Lilith (Cate Blanchett) is a planet-hopping, gun-toting, space traveling bounty hunter who is hired by mega-rich businessman Atlas (Edgar Ramirez) to track down his daughter Tiny Tina (Ariana Greenblatt), who was last seen with Roland (Kevin Hart), a soldier gone rogue. To find her quarry, the flame-haired Lilith goes to the planet Pandora, where she meets a musclebound “Psycho” named Krieg (Florian Munteanu) and a robot companion named Claptrap (voiced by Jack Black). Krieg doesn’t say much, but Claptrap is programmed to be annoying, so consider yourself warned.
Pandora is not an interesting looking planet, though its denizens certainly look as if they spend all of their disposable income on their respective wardrobes, hair care, and tattoos. It’s a fashion-conscious place, even if that fashion is Hot Topic circa Paramore’s first album. There is a lot of talk about a Vault on the planet, and Vault Hunters seeking to find and open it, though I’m not exactly sure what the Vault is, where it came from, or what it contains, and I’ve seen the movie.
The action sequences are nothing special, save for one during which our rag tag group of heroes are attacked by psychos wearing neon masks as the screen cuts to black repeatedly. It’s a neat idea, but all too brief. Borderlands is full of such moments, interesting ideas that are abandoned as soon as they are introduced. Any notion of a more irreverent or daring movie is squashed under the wheels of playing it safe. Based on a successful video game series from Gearbox Software, Borderlands is a formulaic action-comedy adventure film that is bereft of narrative surprise or emotional stakes.
If you’re surprised and confused that Academy Award-winning actress Cate Blanchett is headlining this ill-advised dumpster fire of a movie, you’re not alone. Blanchett herself has said that signing on to the film may have been the result of her suffering a bit of “Covid Madness.” That’s not to say she doesn’t commit. Blanchett doesn’t give off the vibe that she’s slumming, instead doing her best to imbue Lilith with a world-weary, swashbuckling, roguish charm. She’s mostly successful, though the predictable script doesn’t do her any favors.
Kevin Hart, Edgar Ramirez, and Ariana Greenblat do their best with the ridiculous dialogue they have to regurgitate, though at times they all look like they’d rather be doing something else. Also wasted is the great Haley Bennett, regulated to a few short flashback scenes as Lilith’s mother. I am of the mind that Jamie Lee Curtis can do no wrong, and her portrayal of Dr. Tannis (as someone on the Autism spectrum?) is a more focused and realized performance than most anyone else in the cast. And it’s clear that Gina Gershon had a blast channeling Mae West for her character Mad Moxxi, a Parian doll madam threatening to bust through her corset at any moment.
Known for directing R-rated horror films, this is filmmaker Eli Roth’s second PG-13-rated directorial effort, after 2018’s The House with a Clock in its Walls, a middling fantasy film which also starred Cate Blanchett and Jack Black. With Borderlands, Roth seems to be doing his best impression of noted B-movie director Albert Pyun, albeit with a much larger budget. The result is an utterly nonsensical science fiction flick that will please neither fans of the video game nor general audiences. Claptrap, indeed.